My Front Porch

The Fall

2009-09-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

The Fall is a special beautiful time of year. It awakens something which had been lulled to sleep in the summer heat. This Fall it has rained for days and days.. something quite odd for Texas. The soothing beat of the rain on my tin roof has kept me company many many nights as I work. Funny thing is that i was sure I wouldn't be working all hours of the night this Fall. I stretched myself beyond words during the summer with the promise that when I graduated, I would take a break. But instead there is a new challenge and I am once again conquering. So here it is 1am and I'm taking a break from a work project. It is good that it is raining.

2009-02-10T18:31:00.000-08:00

It is funny how God can explain things through nature. My life is like the tide. There is a constant wave.. ebb and flow... a constant up and down... a monotonous soothing pattern.... Then there is also the high tide and the low tide of each "day". It is amazing to me how the long I live the less worried I get over a little up of down... the more I rise and fall with the rhythm of the wave and do not resist the rhythm. I think the most important thing I can do right now is be very aware of what point of the "tide" I am in. You don't look for shells at high tide... and you don't waste your time building castles at low tide.

Why?

2008-08-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

Interestingly my last post was on my last day of school and this is my last day of summer. The summer whizzed by as I am sure yours did as well. This summer was one of growth. I took several classes and they were beyond challenging, but propelled me to a new level professionally. My mother-n-law came to watch the boys for a few weeks. It was the first thing in 9 years the lady did to help me. It was helpful and healing. Not that we are close, but we do now have a place by which to work from. Buddy and I had the best summer ever together with the boys. We did little silly things like going to the park or movies, but they were special family moments. We celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary a week after marrying two "kids" from our old youth group.

For the first time in a long long time... I am excited for fall. I want to slow down and embrace each moment.... each moment with Buddy... each moment with the boys... and with life.

Summer Time Fun

2008-06-04T13:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my last day of school!! There is a special feeling on the last day of school even for teachers. I have taught for 6 years now and I feel it with as much excitement now as when I was a student. There is a resiliance.. a life.. a sheer pleasure that sweeps over you as the bell sounds. A feeling of accomplishment.. a thrill of survival. May the bliss overtake me this year!!

I think that is a lot of what God meant with the design of the sabath... there should be hard work and moments you push yourself so hard that you are not sure you will make it... and then there should be summer break.

Were we happier as children because we were younger? Or were we happier because we lived in the ebb and flow of work/sabath, work/sabath? I intend to take this summer and find that rest again. We were all busy as kids. We played all day. But there was a much better balance of what tasks made us busy.
What are you filling your day with?

Watch This

2008-03-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Some days I wonder about my life. Maybe this is a small reason why we all should continue "doing the do" as my friend says.

http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/full/

Confidence

2008-02-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

Recently I walked into a group of teachers and began very timidly to express my ideas for revamping the entire department's instructional strategies. It was a feeble attempt at confidence if I ever saw one. Later that week I walk into a meeting with a much larger group of teachers and began very confidently directing a meeting in which I communicated my expectations and required deadlines for them to adhere to.

The difference????
In the first meeting, I was sharing my ideas with nothing behind me but my opinion. In the second meeting, I was communicating by the request of the principal the directives she wished. Why was I confident? Because if they didn't like it, it wasn't on me. It was backed up by a bigger authority.

If I could just remember that I was acting by the will and pleasure of God, then maybe I would be as confident as I was communicating for my principal.
Sociologists tell us that our self-esteem is based on what we believe the most important person in our life thinks about us.

Confidence is only as good as the one in whom you place your confidence.
Am I confident b/c I am pretty? What if get in a car wreck? Am I confident b/c I am smart? What if I am in a room of PhDs? Am I confident b/c people like me? What about when they stop?
People who are truly confident consistently even when "out matched" are not self-confident but God-confident.

I want to be an Educator

2008-02-20T16:11:00.000-08:00

According to a news report, a certain private charter school in SanAntonio was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on inthe bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.Every night the maintenance man, an old retired Army Master Sergeant,would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.Finally the principal, who also was a former Army Chief WarrantOfficer, decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for theold sergeant whohad to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult ithad been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, andcleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers... and then there are educators.

Many of you know... I applied to a Principal Master's Degree program. I will find out if I am selected for the next round of interviews in a couple weeks. I hope I am like this principal!!!

Practice does NOT make Perfect

2008-02-10T18:13:00.000-08:00

It seems like sometimes the more you try the worse it gets. I have recently been trying SO hard and I thought I was really making progress only to find out that not only had I not made progress, but I had made things WORSE than before.

I have this constant need to FIX things, but it seems that practice doesn't make perfect. Incorrect practice just makes habitual error.

Now after the realization that trying hard won't fix it.... what is there to do? If I knew how to do it then I wouldn't have done it wrong for years. It seems kind of like looking up words in a dictionary. Some of my students can't find the word b/c they don't even know what letter it starts with. They are in the s section instead of the c section and just stare blankly at the words.

How does one go about learning which words start with S? Experience and phonologic AWARENESS. You are familiar with the word or similar words AND you have an understanding of the phonologic structure English operates with.

My problem is I have no understand of the operating system. How does one learn it?

ME and the BOYS

2008-02-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

GRE

2008-02-04T17:39:00.000-08:00

The GRE is tomorrow!!!!!! YIKES. I am going to do my best and that is all I can do. Right? I should have studied. I tried several times, but it just never worked out. Hopefully Jesus will help me remember some of that math.

Enjoying Each Moment

2008-02-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

This is an adorable story I heard recently. It just really made me think about enjoying each moment!

When I was a baby, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea,' which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "just the cutest thing!" My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet???"

Seemingly a Good Idea

2008-01-23T16:32:00.000-08:00

I read this passage today and I can't stop thinking about this.....

In 1Sam 15, God tells Saul to go and totally destroy Saul goes and does this EXCEPT he captures the king and keeps “the best of the sheep and oxen and the fattest of the lambs – everything, in fact that appealed to them. They destroyed only what was worthless or of poor quality.”

This seems like a pretty good idea. I mean God usually let them keep the bounty. They killed the people, what harm could an animal bring. God doesn't advocate waste. Slaughtering animals to rot isn't good stewardship. Oxen shouldn't muzzled while plowing, neither a soldier who is putting their life on the line for God and country.

Why can we talk ourselves out of what we know God has said so easily?

Interestingly, verse 20 shows that when Saul is confronted about his PARTIAL obedience he says, “But I have obeyed the Lord, Saul insisted. I did what he told me to; and I brought the King Agag, but killed everyone else. And it was only when my troops demanded it that I let them keep the best of the sheep, the oxen and the loot to sacrifice to the lord.”

What is it that convinces us to compromise? Is it the fear of angry people?

The CRAZIEST part of this whole thing is that Saul INSISTED that he had obeyed. He had rationalized his situation to the point that he had convinced himself he had obeyed well enough.... close enough... the heart not the law.... the original intent.....

Where have I rationalized so far that I think it is good stewardship to be disobedient? When do I choose to mask fear by labeling it “wisdom”?

Yes there would have been a backlash, if Saul hadn't rewarded his troops. But what did the PARTIAL obedience cost him? “The the Lord said to Samuel, I am sorry that I ever made Saul king, for he has again refused to obey me.”

Pretty harsh considering he had killed lot of people – just not the animals. Pretty harsh considering I tithe, love my neighbor, lead a small group, read my bible – just not .............. Where am I blind to my rationalization? Where I think pride is acceptable? When I deserve to be impatient.....?

“Not that I have done all of this.... but I press forward.....”

Vitality of Fear

2008-01-14T20:36:00.001-08:00

David Whyte said that "The price of our vitality is the sum of our fears". Jami posted this as a comment on a past posting. After today, it is worth its own post!

Vitality=life. Not just existence, but vitality has the connotation of growth, heath, exuberance. It is more than existence or life, but is more like those old Mountain Dew commercials that ended with a guy jumping off a cliff screaming 'have you done the dew'. Fear= that which we do not want to encounter, endure, experience... that which we think will bring a negative into our lives.

David Whyte, a motivational speaker and poet, is then stating that the degree at which you experience exuberant life is proportionate with the cumulative amount of things you fear.

Now as though that isn't profound enough, here is the question I am pondering. Is the depth of your vitality equal to the amount of fear you stand in the face of, yet continue? Or is it the amount of fear you have rid yourself of? In other words, do you have vitality because you are absent of fear? Or because you faced your fear?

After today, I think it is the same thing.... kinda. I am extremely vibrant right now b/c I have just overcome a major fear that I have faced for several months. I am exhilarated at conquering this fear. And now that I have conquered it, I am no longer afraid.

So while there is a thrill of overcoming, there is also a newness now that it gone.

"the Impact of Perception"

2008-01-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

"The Impact of Perception"
Lindsay and I were at the Dallas Museum of Art last night. We had some time to kill, so I started taking silly pictures. I love these!

The plaque of the wall poses the question, "Is this the creator and his monster?... Or the creator and his figurine? "Then in closing the artist writes, "It is important not to think that playful thinking isn't important thinking."

So here is my playful yet "important" thinking....

None of our perceptions...our reality... is truth.
They may be part of the truth or pieces of the truth, but our reality isn't truth. The reality of picture #1 is a small Linsday where picture #2 clearly shows an enormous Lindsay. While both are the true reality of the photo, niether is the truth.

This got me thinking. What areas of my life do I respond based on my perception of reality? ALL of them. What words do I toss around as fact? What choices do I feel obligated to make? What would I do, say, be differently if I had another's perspective.

At 27 I can already say that my perspective is different than it was at 17. As a mom my perspective is different, than when I slept happily until noon on Sat. mornings. Co-workers constantly insinuate that my perspective is different as a 'white girl' So, here I am making all of my life choices based on something that changes with age, season, gender and race.

So now I am wrestling with that whole Jesus, truth, setting you free, the way.. the truth.. the life thing. How do I gain unbias perspective.. gain His truth? Maybe I will just go take more cool pics.

Interesting Quote

2008-01-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

This is an interesting quote. What do you think?

BELL: Seven years ago, a group of friends were just dreaming of something better. I guess the natural evolution of each generation is to explore what it means. How to live the way of Jesus here and now. So we started and it now feels like fifty years packed into seven. Mars Hill is an old mall. Our "architect"—I say that as a joke—says everything about the church should scream "Welcome to our church service! Now get the hell out of here." We say, "This isn't the church, this is a church service. It's just an hour where we have some teaching, some singing and you'll hear about things in the community." If there are 43 "one anothers" in the New Testament—serve one another, carry one another's burden's, confess to one another—you can only do a couple of those in a church service. Until you have a community that you are journeying with, please don't say you are a part of this church. You just come to a gathering. We are very intentional about that. The question is, "Who do you call when your brother ODs on cocaine? If your mom is in the hospital, who comes and sits in the waiting room with you? When you cannot pay your rent, who do you go to and say please help me out?" That's your church.

Choose My Own Adventure

2008-01-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

Recently I sat talking to a friend about a marital spat narrowly avoided with two simple words. Those words were not unusual or magical, but they were defining. "Hey baby" was the pivotal crossroad between an evening of strife and an evening of marital bliss.

For 2008, I am developing four qualities in my life. Self-control is the first of four, so I am studying connected verses. My new favorite is Proverbs 13:3 which states, "Self-control means controlling the tongue! A quick retort can ruin everything."

I had just sat meditating on that verse and all of the ridiculous events that have happened to me as a direct result of my quick retorts. I thought of the hurt feelings, the miscommunication, the drama all because I spewed out a "quick retort". Determined to begin the process of self-control, I chose to just say "Hey baby" to Buddy the other night when I would have normally mounted an air attack. SIMPLY by not jumping into the conversation guns blazing, it changed the course of the entire conversation and consequentially the evening.

See I had a moment of opportunity... a fork in the road... a page turning decision. I could chose page 42 where the heroine exposes the misdeed of her tardy counterpart. Or I could choose page 21 where the hero explains his heroic deed that happened to take all day and thereby make him late returning to the heroine's house.

Each decision we make is just like a choose your own adventure book. This decision takes us to page 51 while that decision goes to page 95. From there your story is never the same. How much different could our lives be if we chose different pages?

Since unlike the books we can't read the chapter and then go back and choose the other route to see if it is better, I want to make my adventure the best I can. So I guess the first step is self-control. And for me in 2008 that looks like shutting up. Who knows what adventures I may find on the next page.

Welcome to my front porch

2008-01-03T14:23:00.001-08:00

I lived for a few years in an amazing little town in PA. Christiana was a unique place because we all had and used our front porches. In the course of an evening you could find most of my neighbors sitting on thier front porch. You would talk to passerbyers and journey over to sit awhile with your neighbor. Nothing really important was ever really discuss, but somehow it gave us a sense of connectedness.

I hope this will be a place for us to connect with each other amidst our busy lives. That this could be my front porch and you will come by to sit awhile and talk about nothing with me.

Let's post bits of our lives for each other to see and be a apart of. Here.. I will be first.
My holiday was really good. It was the first ever that I did not spend in Ohio with my fam. Our house was quite without you all, BUT it was great to not have to pack, drive 15 hours, talk to relatives I don't really know and smile while the boys have meltdowns from being in a weird environment. So the peacefulness was fabulous.

HOW WAS YOURS?